I'm moving home in less than a week. This is actually sooooo insane & there are definitely mixed emotions with this transition. My roommate, Allie Eyring, is leaving tomorrow night to go to Florida so tonight was my last night with her! We went to dinner at Olive Garden as a last big roommate date before she leaves. 

Here is a low quality picture that captured a high quality night. In order, it goes Jane, Allie, me, Allison, Sarah, & Morgan. I love these girls so much & honestly don't know what I would do without them. Is was definitely hard living with these girls though. JUST LOOK AT THEM. They are perfect. 

YOU JUST GOTTA LOVE YOURSELF

As a prepare for a mission I am constantly finding myself comparing everything I do to those around me. My roommate is also going on a mission & sometimes it just seems like no matter what I do I will never be as smart or as spiritual as she is. 

Everyone gets this feeling sometimes. The feeling that you just aren't good enough. No matter what you do, you will never be as pretty, smart, thin, funny or confident as the people that surround you. It seems impossible to block out the voices telling you that you are undeserving & worthless. 

I have always had self-esteem issues. I can't remember a time when I didn't hate something about myself. But I've come to realize that the most important thing you can do in your life is love yourself. 

Here are the ten things you need to remind yourself when you start to feel like you just can't do anything right.   

1. There is no point in comparing yourself to others. Just because you don't have hair like Taylor Swift or a voice like Beyonce doesn't mean you aren't just as amazing. Don't hate yourself because you will never have the life of your favorite celebrity or the body of a Victoria's Secret Angel. Everyone puts on a front that they are perfect. Why would anyone want to reveal all of their flaws or downfalls for the world to see? Everyone makes mistakes & everyone has faults.
2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.  You are one of a kind. Without you the world would be completely different. You add so much to this world. Everyone doubts themselves & everyone feels as though every aspect of their life is insane. If you feel this way it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. You are going to have bad days (a lot of bad days). Don't blame yourself for the things that you can't change. Not everyone is going to see how amazing you are, & you shouldn't fret about that because it is their problem, not yours. 
3. You control your happiness. This is the number one greatest thing I have ever learned. You get to choose who you surround yourself with. So if those people are bringing you down get rid of them. Even when you are going through terrible trials try to find the silver lining. There is always something to be grateful for, so smile about that. It's never too late to change the kind of person you want to be. If you want to be happy or confident, it is completely your decision. 
4. You are not alone. Everyone feels this way sometimes. There are countless people you can turn to when you are feeling down & they will be willing to help you see how truly amazing you are. Everyone knows how it feels to hate something about themselves. 
5. Time will heal all wounds. Everything you will experience is temporary. There will always be something that follows. There is an article that talks about the people who have survived jumping of the Golden Gate Bridge. One jumper admitted that "everything in [his] life could have been fixed." You just need to give it time. There will come a day when everything you worried so much about the day before is over. 
6. You aren't perfect, you're human. Everyone makes mistakes. But mistakes can sometimes turn out to be such huge blessings. Every mistake you make should turn into a lesson. It's impossible to be perfect, no matter how hard you try. Absolutely no one is perfect. Everyone has their flaws, but they are what make us unique. So just accept that you will never be perfect, but you will always be beautiful in your own, special way. 
7. The voice inside your head is wrong. Like 95% of the time we are our own worst enemy. The voice in our head is telling us so many lies. We need to train our mind to view every single part of our body is beautiful. From our physical beauty to our thoughts & behaviors, we need to recognize that we are beautiful. Don't look in the mirror & pick apart every part of your appearance. Don't ever tell yourself that you aren't good enough or smart enough. The more you do this to yourself you will see it as okay for others to view you in that way. Don't give anyone that power. 
8. You have made it this far. Everyone has faced trials where you honestly feel like you just can't keep fighting anymore, but you did. And you overcame whatever obstacle you were facing. That fact that you are here right now is an accomplishment. Just think off all the times you wanted to give up but refused to quit. You were fighting, & you still are. 
9. Let go of everything that is keeping you down. Negativity & past hardships should all stay in the past. You can't expect to fly when you have so much weighing you down. Every challenge you overcome should make you a better person. Don't let them control your life. Just learn from them & let them go. No hardship should continuously make you unhappy. Let them go &  just be free. 
10. You are worth it. You are worth everything. You are worth the time, yo are worth the fight, you are worth every breath, & you are worth this life. You have been sent here at this time and place for a reason. Not everyone is going to see your potential & worth, but those people aren't worth your time. Be happy for yourself. You just gotta love yourself. 

DEAR SISTER JOHANNES

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the England London Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months. 

You should report to the England Missionary Training Center on Thursday, May 28, 2015. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the English language. 

The moment I read my call to my friends & family & finally found out where I was going to spend the next 18 months of my life.

Proud mother hugging her little missionary. 

My little sister wouldn't let go because "she didn't want anyone to see her crying." 

Father-daughter photograph. I promise he was more excited than he looks. 

Got to take a short trip to Temple Square the Sunday after I opened it. 

I've honestly been so blessed. 

I know that being a missionary is hard. I know that there will be days where I want to quit. I know that there will be more doors slammed in my face than those welcoming me. 

But I also know that this gospel is true. I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me & will never give me a trial I can't overcome. I know of the power of the atonement & the happiness that it can bring to everyone's lives.  

I know that this is exactly where the Lord needs me. And I know that my brothers and sisters in England are anxiously waiting to hear about this little blue book. 

MISSIONARY ACCEPTANCE LETTER

Dear Brethern,

Having been called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I, Sydney Jean Johannes, wholeheartedly accept all the duties and responsibilities of a Full-time Missionary in the England London Mission. Having a firm testimony in the Gospel, my Father in Heaven, and the atonement,  it is with great pleasure that I accept this call to labor among the people of England.
 
Growing up in a small town in Colorado with a very small population of Latter-Day Saints, my family had the missionaries over for meals multiple times a week. The moment I first met the missionaries was the moment I decided I wanted to serve a mission. They all stood as great examples to me and I strived to become like each and everyone of them. I want to be that example to those I teach. I want to plant seeds in the hearts of everyone I meet. I want to invite others to come unto Christ. So many of my friends and family were, and many still are, without a knowledge of the goodness of our Heavenly Father and the power that the atonement could have in their life. I want to share this wonderful gift so that others can know the joy that this Gospel brings.

With this desire I will strive to develop Christlike attributes and stand as a witness of God. Being a missionary of God is not an easy task for we will be held accountable for everything pertaining in spreading and building forth the Kingdom of God on Earth, but I am excited to embark on this journey regardless of the difficulties I will face.

Although it will not be easy to leave my family and friends for 18 months, I know that what I am doing is what the Lord truly needs me to do. I will dedicate every minute of my days to preaching the gospel and will pray to have the spirit with me at all times, to  guide me in the direction that I need to move in. With an eye single to the glory of God, I will serve my brothers and sisters and invite them to come unto Christ. Again, I am greatly humbled and thankful to accept the privilege of being part of the great and marvelous work of God.

Sister Sydney Johannes